mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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