the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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