i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
