I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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