How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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