hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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