That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
