I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
