my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
