Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
These tits shall not be calmed
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize