even my farts smell like vagina
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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