I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
