The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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