And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
