How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
