Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
