now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize