Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
