he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
