you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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