I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
