Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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