ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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