New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When are your genitals available?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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