He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Come see our sink grown plant.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
