I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I want is dick and wine.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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