So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
