so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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