Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
