he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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