I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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