dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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