Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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