Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
did you just send me my own nude
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
