Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
