Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
