this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
