Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
