wanna go halves on a baby?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
