Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
