i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
