I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
soo... how was my night?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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