If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
