Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
