As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
