I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
