do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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