I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
