I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she smelled like a LAN party
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
