saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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