I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize