that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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