Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
