Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
false alarm. still invincible.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
