fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need to calm my uterus...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
