you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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