I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
