yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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