I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
