All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
