Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
