i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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