My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize