Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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