I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize