..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
