Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
